There are many parents out there who are by the book, live their lives by a super strict schedule and swear by it. I honestly always thought I would be one of those people. I swore I would be uber strict; have you sleeping in your room at 6 weeks, let you cry it out, not console you or carry you around all the time....then you came along. Everything I thought I would do and the parenting most people do now days is exactly opposite of who I truly am as your mother. I am an instinctual parent, one who practices primal parenting. I hug you when you cry, I rock you when you're tired, I let you choose your schedule and decide when you want to sleep and play. There are pros and cons to this, just like any other method of parenting but this fits me best.
Several friends of mine have recently talked about letting their babies cry it out ("CIO") as a method of sleep training and getting their babies on a schedule. I hear wonderful things about having you guys on schedules and sometimes I wish yours was more consistent and that your naps were longer so I could actually get something done around the house. So...today I tried to put you down for a nap and tried to let you cry it out.
It was about 10 plus minutes of pure hell. You cried and cried and never let up. It never subsided. I told myself I would only let you go for 3 more minutes and when that was up if you were still crying I was going to go in there and get you and say screw this stupid method and go back to what I have always felt in my heart and gut and parent you the way I wanted.
Three minutes came and went and you were still screaming at the top of your lungs so in I went. I tried to stand over you in your crib and console you but there was no point. You were too far gone then. I gave up and picked you up and rocked you back and forth in the glider. You were still crying...even once you fell asleep. While you were sleeping you were whimpering and quivering and holding on to my shirt for dear life like you were saying "please never put me down mom". Well, your wish is granted baby. I cant do it and I wont do it. Its not me. I cried after this episode. Its just not who I am.
I fought so hard to get you. I gave everything and did anything to have you and I will continue to do whatever it takes to keep you happy...regardless of what it takes. If that means I "spoil" you, so be it. You are my life, my everything and I want you to feel secure and confident knowing I will be there for you no matter what. I know I will continue to get ridiculed for this parenting style but I don't care. You are my baby, not anyone else's and if they want to raise their children a different way and it works for them, I am extreemly happy for them. But rest assured honey, I will never put you through that again. I will rock you, pat you, hold you, cuddle with you, and let you sleep with me if you are scared for as long as you want. You are my baby and I am your momma and I love you more than anything.
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