{ Starting Over }

Starting treatment over again was fun and scary.  We knew this was it.  This could either leave us heartbroken or could give us everything we ever wanted.  We dove in head first though without thinking twice or looking back. 

Medication was some what the same.  We went in to meet with Dr. Lin  to have another exam, do some blood work and pick up all of my new medications.  The medications were pretty much the same with the addition of quite a few more shots and pills.  Thankfully they gave us the calendar below to help with some of the confusion and to keep things straight.

That day Dr. Lin told your mommy and daddy that their estimated due date would be October 11, 2012.  It was such a good thing to hear but at the same time we didn't want to hear it.  We loved the sound of it cause we wanted you so badly and really did want you to be arriving in October but we also didn't want to hear it in case things didn't work out. 

We had a positive feeling though and loved the confidence Dr. Lin gave us.  We instantly told your grandmas, grandpas, and Auntie Coco, the few people that knew that we were doing this, when your expected date of arrival would be and they too were so excited. 

{ Christmas Day }

Christmas day was just the same crazy hectic day that it is every year.  We had to go to my mom's house to open gifts, your daddy's parent's house to open gifts, Daddy's grandma's house to eat and spend time with that side of the family, back to my mom's house to celebrate with my family...and eat, and lastly off to Daddy's Aunt Janet's house to gorge some more and celebrate with those crazy people.  Good luck keeping up in the future kiddo!

Every year we receive great gifts that we all love but this year I got one of the best and most touching gifts ever. 

Your grandma and grandpa were one of the few people that knew what we were going through.  I had joked with your grandma before Christmas about getting a bell for your daddy to take care of me while I was on bed rest after the embryo transfer. 

Your grandma gave me a box to open that had a card attached to the outside.  We usually don't have cards on our presents so it was a little strange.  I opened the card and read words that instantly brought tears to my eyes.  Inside the box was my bell and a necklace.  The combination of the saying on the necklace, the wording in the card and the bell for me after surgery made me cry like a baby.  It also may have been a little worse thanks to the hormones I was taking. 

Thank you Teresa, for your support, strength, and unconditional love through all of this...

{ Finding "The One" }

We went to meet Dr Lin at his office in Irvine.  Reproductive Fertility Center, it was a clinic I read about for so long but had no clue how much they were about to change our lives.

As soon as we walked in the office we were amazed by the style, comfort and friendlies from the staff.  The office was in a high-rise medical building that was part of Hoag Irvine but the inside looked like anything but a Dr's office or hospital, it was more like being in a luxury hotel.

In the waiting room there were plush couches, beautiful throw pillow,gorgeous plants, a soothing waterfall, soft music playing, and subtle lighting.  This feel went through the whole office too.  The exam rooms were equipped with the same comforting feel.  In the short time I had been there prior to meeting Dr. Lin I was already impressed.

When we sat down with him he was straight to the point.  He gave me his diagnosis, told me his plans and explained things to me in a way I had never heard before.  This was all stuff I had planned on going in demanding and I didn't even have to open my mouth to request it.  By the end of the appointment we had a set plan of attack, a schedule, some prescriptions and his personal cell phone number in case we had any questions for him after hours. What Dr do you know gives you their cell phone number?  None I had met!  I didn't go in there with the intention of starting treatment but walked out scratching my head and looking at your daddy with confusion, excitement, and fear.  We were starting all over again.

{ Finding the right Dr. }

Choosing your Dr. for IVF is far from an easy task.  Thankfully I had been researching for a long time in fear of one day having to make this decision.  There are so many Dr's and clinics out there that your eyes begin to cross. This isn't like choosing your dermatologist.  The Dr you choose can change your life...for better or worse.  Being 100% out of pocket and more than plastic surgery this is a hard decision.  We can either choose someone who has the same goals and plans as we do and successfully end up with child OR pay thousands and thousands of dollars and be right where we stared and poor.

Our Dr through Kaiser had his own clinic in which he did IFV, Kaiser does not do IVF at all.  He was an obvious Dr to interview giving he knew everything about our fertility past. It would have been an easy perfect transfer.  We went to the clinic to check them out and see how we felt about the place and I ended up leaving with a sick husband.  Dave gets sick in hospitals sometimes.  There is something about the smell, feel and sterile feel that makes me dizzy and nauseous.  I am not a superstitious person or anything but I do believe that you need to follow your gut feelings and right then Dave's sickness was a sign to me to look elsewhere.

We were referred to two different Dr's in Orange County by a friend and we loved one of them.  The only problem was that they were in Orange County.  Working in the Inland Empire made it a little difficult to have a Dr that was based only only out of OC.  I know the drill, you have to go in at least every other day for blood work while you are on your hormone treatments and I couldn't make the commute out to OC and back for work if I wanted to keep my job!  There goes those Dr's.

I finally stumbled across a Dr that had offices all over the place, including the Inland Empire and every review I had read of his was better than the last.  There was not one negative thing to say about this man or his clinic.  He was well worth a consultation.

His main office was in Irvine but he had a satellite office out by us so I got the best of both worlds.  I would be able to have all of my blood work and pre-surgery appointments in the Inland Empire but would have surgery and the embryo transfer in Irvine which I had no problem with!  I would have to take the day off from work for surgery and the transfer anyway so I didn't mind driving 45 minutes to him then.  Things were looking good so I decided to take the plunge and schedule an appointment for a consultation.

{ Your Story }

Hello little one!  This blog is all for you!!  It will take you through the steps your mommy and daddy went through to get you and continue long after you are born.  Just in case you ever doubt it this will show you exactly how loved and wanted you are.  We dreamt of you for years, prayed for you every night, and fought tooth and nail just to get you.  We would and did do any and everything for you and always will.  Here is your story....

Your mommy and daddy had been going through fertility treatments for just about a year.  Mommy was diagnosed with two different diagnoses, hypothalamic amenorrhea and PCOS.  We completed 8 rounds of unsuccessful rounds of hormone stimulated artificial insemination but still didn't give up on our dreams of having you.

When you get older you can read the blog that was created prior to you being conceived The Pursuit of Pregnancy.  This takes you through our long heart breaking process of desperately trying to become your mommy and daddy.

I will admit, I kind of abruptly dropped off the face of the earth and never wrote another blog on there after October.  It became too hard.  Each negative pregnancy test crushed my heart a little more and more, until one day there was nothing left to break.  We secretly continued on with treatment but no longer talked about it with anyone or even let them know we were still going through it.  We just could not take the pain any more.

This new blog however is about what we did next in order to fulfill our dream to be your parents.  We finally made the decision to go to IVF and it was the best thing we ever did because it has given us you!

It was a big decision for us to make but also somewhat decided by our insurance.  Your daddy's union decided to change insurance plans without giving us all of the details.  With a union you have to vote for changes like insurance.  Our union rep reassured us that with the potential change of insurance we would NOT be affected in any way with all of our fertility treatments and would have the same coverage but with a higher co-pay.  Well, that was a big lie!  Since they told us this false information your daddy was all for the vote of change and didn't try to persuade his fellow co-workers to vote against it and we wound up without and of the fertility coverage we previously had.

We went in to start our 9th round of treatment when we shockingly found out our coverage had been dropped. Previously we had a reasonable discount on treatment and medication.  With that now being gone we had to decide if we wanted to pay full price for something we have tied 8 times and had no luck or go to the next step.  The say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again.  If that is true we had been insane for long enough and decided we needed to break this cycle of insanity and finally decided enough was enough.  That is when we began to pursue the next and last step in becoming your mommy and daddy....IVF.