I remember the two week wait from our past treatments and it sucks....to put it nicely. I was dreading this one just as much as the last 8 but prayed this time it was going to end differently.
Much to my surprise the first few days went by pretty quickly. Maybe that is because I spent the first three days being a couch potato! After that passed I quickly started analyzing anything and everything going on with my body. I waited to see if I got sick, if my boobs got tender, if I had any unusual cravings or an increase in my appetite. I looked for any and every symptom and had none. zip, zilch nada!
Towards the end of the wait I had given up all hope and just faced the fact that things were going to be the same as always and we were going to be doomed for another round of treatment. I'd lost my hope and had just about given up.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
{ 3 Days of Dreaded Bed Rest }
After the embryo transfer I was on strict bed rest, I had been dreading this for weeks. I am such a busy person and always have to be doing something. How on earth was I going to be able to lay on my back with nothing more than a few pillows propping me up for 3 days straight?? The only time I was "allowed" to get up was to go to the bathroom and come back. That's it. No pit stops to the kitchen to stand in front of the fridge forever being completely indecisive. No more grazing through the pantry or randomly cleaning something. Bathroom and back...nothing more!!
I had obviously prepared for this for a while. I had made myself food and froze it, stocked up on my favorites in the pantry, and made sure Daddy had several meals and snacks to get him through. That morning before transfer I even moved our night stand in the bedroom to get something from under the bed just because I knew that would be my last heavy lifting for a long time...hopefully!
When we got home I went straight to the couch and turned on the TV....this was my life for the next 3 days. Thank goodness for Law and Order SVU marathons, Disney movies On Demand and Netflix!
Daddy set up an air mattress downstairs so we could both still sleep together. They weren't the most sound sleeps we've had but it did the trick. Emit, Figuero and Lola though this new thing was a toy and played on it the first night. After that it got old and they went back to being their usual lazy cat and dog ways.
Daddy took the first day off so he could stay home and baby sit me. Auntie Coco came by that night with her famous spaghetti salad, made without meat and cheese just for your picky vegetarian mommy. Grandma took the following day off and made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, dinner for daddy, and brought tons of snacks. Your Auntie also came over that day with your cousin Teagan and Subway which I ate in less than two seconds. It killed me that I could not hold him but with strict orders from the Dr. not only could I not sit up but I wasn't allowed to lift ANYTHING. My very good friend Julie came the last day. By that day I was allowed to sit in a more upright position so we both got on our laptops and did some work to pass the time.
I was covered all three days and always had someone to keep me entertained and fed. Overall it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I actually kind of enjoyed the forced break from the hustle and bustle of life. Between the visits from people, the yummy food and three days of snuggling with Lola, time passed rather fast.
I had obviously prepared for this for a while. I had made myself food and froze it, stocked up on my favorites in the pantry, and made sure Daddy had several meals and snacks to get him through. That morning before transfer I even moved our night stand in the bedroom to get something from under the bed just because I knew that would be my last heavy lifting for a long time...hopefully!
When we got home I went straight to the couch and turned on the TV....this was my life for the next 3 days. Thank goodness for Law and Order SVU marathons, Disney movies On Demand and Netflix!
Daddy set up an air mattress downstairs so we could both still sleep together. They weren't the most sound sleeps we've had but it did the trick. Emit, Figuero and Lola though this new thing was a toy and played on it the first night. After that it got old and they went back to being their usual lazy cat and dog ways.
Daddy took the first day off so he could stay home and baby sit me. Auntie Coco came by that night with her famous spaghetti salad, made without meat and cheese just for your picky vegetarian mommy. Grandma took the following day off and made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, dinner for daddy, and brought tons of snacks. Your Auntie also came over that day with your cousin Teagan and Subway which I ate in less than two seconds. It killed me that I could not hold him but with strict orders from the Dr. not only could I not sit up but I wasn't allowed to lift ANYTHING. My very good friend Julie came the last day. By that day I was allowed to sit in a more upright position so we both got on our laptops and did some work to pass the time.
I was covered all three days and always had someone to keep me entertained and fed. Overall it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I actually kind of enjoyed the forced break from the hustle and bustle of life. Between the visits from people, the yummy food and three days of snuggling with Lola, time passed rather fast.
 |
| As you can see Lola rather enjoyed the time together |
 |
| The beautiful flowers I received from everyone at work! |
Monday, January 23, 2012
{ E-Day }
There was still plenty of waiting after begin put in a room and changing into a very flattering hospital gown. We really didn't mind how long it took. Its not like we wanted to them to rush anyway, they were taking the time to hatch you so I wanted them to be EXTRA careful!
Mommy and daddy were surprisingly calm given the circumstances. I think being left alone in that little room for that longforced allowed us to laugh and loosen up. We talked about anything and everything you could think of. One topic was Chinese New Years, which was actually that day! January 23, 2012 marked the first day of the year of the dragon. Apparently this is an incredibly lucky year to be born in. I had even read that there were people who had their eggs extracted and frozen years before just to have their baby be born in the year of the dragon. We were hoping that all the luck that the dragon brings we had some coming that day too.
The transfer was pretty easy. We had some problems finding the "perfect" spot in my uterus to place you but with a Dr. like Dr. Lin I had no doubt he would keep searching and find it. The transfer was done via catheter. Dr. Lin would put the catheter in and a nurse has an ultrasound wand on your belly to see exactly where it's going and to find that perfect spot! Daddy was getting really nervous because it was taking so long and because they were having a hard time. I felt fine but then again I was just laying there hanging out. He had to stand behind my head and just watch. It got to him, he started to get hot and sweaty...see, sometimes he shows emotions!
After Dr. Lin found the money spot they called the embryologist in the bring you in. He then replaced the dummy catheter with the new one that had you. With one quick squeeze of the plunger the damage was done. Now it was mommy's turn to give you a happy home in my belly.
Mommy and daddy were surprisingly calm given the circumstances. I think being left alone in that little room for that long
The transfer was pretty easy. We had some problems finding the "perfect" spot in my uterus to place you but with a Dr. like Dr. Lin I had no doubt he would keep searching and find it. The transfer was done via catheter. Dr. Lin would put the catheter in and a nurse has an ultrasound wand on your belly to see exactly where it's going and to find that perfect spot! Daddy was getting really nervous because it was taking so long and because they were having a hard time. I felt fine but then again I was just laying there hanging out. He had to stand behind my head and just watch. It got to him, he started to get hot and sweaty...see, sometimes he shows emotions!
After Dr. Lin found the money spot they called the embryologist in the bring you in. He then replaced the dummy catheter with the new one that had you. With one quick squeeze of the plunger the damage was done. Now it was mommy's turn to give you a happy home in my belly.
{ To Hatch or Not To Hatch, That is the Question }
Today was the day....day 5, our embryo transfer day! It was
both nerve wracking and exciting at the same time, kind of the same feeling as
everything else. The difference was today Dr. Lin put two of you back inside
mommy today and now it was all up to me and my body to make a happy home for
you for 9 months.
We checked in at the front desk and were called back to
speak with Dr. Lin a few minutes later to discuss the options we had for our
transfer. The first decision was how many embryos we wanted to transfer. While
they do not recommend more than two because of the risks of multiples, they
also do not recommend only transferring one just in case. Regardless of their recommendations
it was ultimately our choice. We decided to go with two. We didn’t want to risk
the one not taking and be left with nothing but we also didn’t want to transfer
three of them, they all take and then from there split making mommy the next
Octomom! Though, now that I think about it I could have used the money from
publicity to start paying off your debt. Hum...there is an idea!
The other decision we had to make was on assisted hatching.
I'm sure you’re thinking; say what, you can hatch an embryo?? Yes. Actually, if
the embryologist doesn’t do it for you the embryo should hatch itself in order
to implant accurately. If an embryo does not hatch it will not implant in the
lining of your uterus. As Dr. Lin put it, an un-hatched embryo is like an un-hatched
egg...it goes bad and becomes rotten which means no baby. For those reasons,
they recommend assisted hatching. However, doing assisted hatching comes with
its own set of risks. For starters there is the chance of spontaneous splitting
leading to identical twins. Secondly, there have been cases of babies born with
disabilities such that may be caused from accidently hurting the embryo during
the hatching process. Though it is not confirmed that the cause of the
abnormalities is from the assisted hatching, they have to inform you and let
you know that may be a risk.
Your daddy and I went back and forth on this decision. The
cost to hatch you was nothing in comparison to the whole IVF procedure. It was
a mere $400 and honestly at this point I didn’t care how much it was. Money was
not a factor in my decision. All I could think of was not doing the
assisted hatching and neither of you implanting and wondering and beating
myself up because I didn’t do it. Your daddy on the other hand was concerned
more about your safety and the possible effects of it. I am not saying I wasn’t
but given the evidence and that there is no proof from it I was all for
assisted hatching. Poor Dr. Lin sat there for probably 15-20 minutes listening
to us debating on this decision. He would not tell us what to do so instead he
just enjoyed the entertainment.
After it was all said and done we finally reached our
decision to go with the assisted hatching. After that Dr. Lin asked us to wait
in the waiting room as it would take about 30 minutes for the embryologist to
hatch our embryos. Its the strangest thing to think of and wait for…knowing
that your possible potential children are in a lab being hatched. I don’t
know...I just can’t explain it.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
{ Daily Updates }
After egg retrieval Dr. Lin called to give us daily updates on the embryos.
One Day Post Retrieval: Mommy went back to work and waited patiently for the call from Dr. Lin. Towards the end of the day I finally for the call...13 of the 16 mature eggs that were retrieved had fertilized!! Those numbers were like music to my ears!
Two Days Post Transfer: It was finally Friday and while I was glad to be back at work and that I only missed a day due to surgery, I was in much need for the break over the weekend. It was kind of bitter sweet though. I knew that we were scheduled to have our embryo transfer Monday morning which meant if all went as planned, I would not be returning back to work until Thursday and that meant Monday through Wednesday I was on strict bed rest. I was not looking forward to that. What I didn't know when I went into work that morning was that my weekend was going to start sooner than I had planned.
I was in the middle of a project at work when my concentration went out the window. I felt horrible and I couldn't get past that. I had been working on a document for over an hour and had gotten nowhere. I even put my head down on my desk at one point to try to calm the hot, clammy, sweaty nauseous feeling that had taken over me. Nothing helped. It finally got so bad I was getting dizzy. I went into my managers office and let her know I needed her to call you Daddy so he could come and get me and take me home. I didn't even trust myself driving because I felt so bad. While she was on the phone with Daddy, the urge to release the monster that was eating me up inside had taken over and I begged for her trash can. Without warning I threw up in her office, sitting at her desk while we had clients in. Could my timing be any worse?? I am humiliated to say the lease but I did feel a thousand times better after. It was like I was actually never even sick to begin with! Regardless of my plea to stay at work, Daddy and my manager both demanded I go home and rest up. Monday was a big day and I didn't want to feel sick.
Dr. Lin called that night and I explained what happened to him. He didn't seem concerned and said to just take it easy the rest of the weekend and rest up for Monday. He also called to tell me our updates. One embryo that had not initially fertilized the day before had recently fertilized bringing our new embryo count to 14! Woohoo. Of those 14, 11 were 4 cell grade 1 aka the best of the best, 1 was a 4 cell grade 2 consider it an A-, 1 was a 2 cell that's more like a B, and the last one had just fertilized so its grading was still TBD.
Here is your 4 cell embryo...lets just say its your first picture!
Three Days Post Transfer: The stats get a little more confusing and they may not make sense to you but just read on and smile and nod. Of the now 14 embryos, they had developed as follows:
1 - 8 Cell Grade 1
4 - 8 Cell Grade 2
2 - 8 Cell Grade 2.5
1 - 7 Cell
1 - 6 Cell
1 - 4 Cell
1 - 3 Cell
Not only did we get the update of the embryos we were also informed that we were in fact going to have a 5 day transfer (they would transfer the embryo back into the uterus on day 5 post retrieval vs. having to do it on day 3). We were scheduled to arrive in Irvine at 7:30 Monday morning!
Here is your 8 cell, day 3 embryo:
One Day Post Retrieval: Mommy went back to work and waited patiently for the call from Dr. Lin. Towards the end of the day I finally for the call...13 of the 16 mature eggs that were retrieved had fertilized!! Those numbers were like music to my ears!
Two Days Post Transfer: It was finally Friday and while I was glad to be back at work and that I only missed a day due to surgery, I was in much need for the break over the weekend. It was kind of bitter sweet though. I knew that we were scheduled to have our embryo transfer Monday morning which meant if all went as planned, I would not be returning back to work until Thursday and that meant Monday through Wednesday I was on strict bed rest. I was not looking forward to that. What I didn't know when I went into work that morning was that my weekend was going to start sooner than I had planned.
I was in the middle of a project at work when my concentration went out the window. I felt horrible and I couldn't get past that. I had been working on a document for over an hour and had gotten nowhere. I even put my head down on my desk at one point to try to calm the hot, clammy, sweaty nauseous feeling that had taken over me. Nothing helped. It finally got so bad I was getting dizzy. I went into my managers office and let her know I needed her to call you Daddy so he could come and get me and take me home. I didn't even trust myself driving because I felt so bad. While she was on the phone with Daddy, the urge to release the monster that was eating me up inside had taken over and I begged for her trash can. Without warning I threw up in her office, sitting at her desk while we had clients in. Could my timing be any worse?? I am humiliated to say the lease but I did feel a thousand times better after. It was like I was actually never even sick to begin with! Regardless of my plea to stay at work, Daddy and my manager both demanded I go home and rest up. Monday was a big day and I didn't want to feel sick.
Dr. Lin called that night and I explained what happened to him. He didn't seem concerned and said to just take it easy the rest of the weekend and rest up for Monday. He also called to tell me our updates. One embryo that had not initially fertilized the day before had recently fertilized bringing our new embryo count to 14! Woohoo. Of those 14, 11 were 4 cell grade 1 aka the best of the best, 1 was a 4 cell grade 2 consider it an A-, 1 was a 2 cell that's more like a B, and the last one had just fertilized so its grading was still TBD.
Here is your 4 cell embryo...lets just say its your first picture!
Three Days Post Transfer: The stats get a little more confusing and they may not make sense to you but just read on and smile and nod. Of the now 14 embryos, they had developed as follows:
1 - 8 Cell Grade 1
4 - 8 Cell Grade 2
2 - 8 Cell Grade 2.5
1 - 7 Cell
1 - 6 Cell
1 - 4 Cell
1 - 3 Cell
Not only did we get the update of the embryos we were also informed that we were in fact going to have a 5 day transfer (they would transfer the embryo back into the uterus on day 5 post retrieval vs. having to do it on day 3). We were scheduled to arrive in Irvine at 7:30 Monday morning!
Here is your 8 cell, day 3 embryo:
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
{ Surgery Day }
The day's passed quickly and before we knew it, it was Wednesday, January 18th and we both had the day off and needed to be in Irvine bright and early to prep for surgery. Shockingly I wasn't nervous at all. I think I couldn't believe that we were finally at this point in our journey already.
We got to the surgery center at about 6:45 am. We had to leave our house around 5:45 to accommodate for traffic. I think being 1/2 a sleep still helped ease my nerves too. We checked in, completed our consent paperwork, you know the usual "sign here accepting you could die and we take no responsibility if you do" stuff. I didn't care, I signed away hoping this was going to be the first step in making us "Mommy and Daddy".
They told me I needed to go down to the surgery lobby now and wait down there. They asked daddy to stay behind for a while cause they needed to collect his sample of you and all your possible brothers and sisters. I didn't even once think that when I walked out the doors and down the hall, that would be the last time I saw your daddy. I didn't even kiss him good bye. I just assumed he would meet me on the other side. It wasn't until I sat in the waiting room down the hall that I realized that was it. The next time I would see him was after I woke up in recovery. How could that be? I was alone, and scared and didn't even get a chance to say a real good bye to the love of my life, the man that has been there for me every step of the way. If I had ever needed him, now was the time. My nerves started to take over and I started to cry in the waiting room. I tried really hard to suck it up because I didn't want the nurses, and anyone else for that matter, to think that I was nuts, even though we all know I am!
Within a matter of minutes they called me back to the operating room and gave me my fancy hospital gown to change in to. The room was tiny and cold, like all hospitals, so I asked them if I was allowed to keep my socks on. They were these fuzzy red and white socks that I had just received for Christmas. I was really excited I got to keep them on because they were warm, not like it would matter once they knocked me out in a few minute. I remember I couldn't stop talking about my stupid socks. I showed them off to the nurse, the anesthesiologist, and the Dr. like they were some prize possession. They were socks for pity sake! I think I couldn't stop talking about them, and everything else, because I was nervous and that was my way of keeping me calm and my mind distracted.
The anesthesiologist came in and was ready to hook me up. He was so nice....that's about all I remember of him. I thought my IV would have to go into my hand, which I hate because I fainted last time I had that done, so I was pleased when he told me he would be running it into the inner crease of my elbow. After all the blood I had given over the last year, nearly every other day, I knew I was a pro there.
I remember the Dr. coming in and talking to me while having me position properly on the operating table. I also remember quivering and my legs shaking out of control while they were up in the stirrups. I know it couldn't have been because I was too cold because I could see my obnoxious "lucky" socks while we were getting ready. Nerves had finally gotten the best of me and I had realized this was it. The anesthesiologist placed an oxygen mask on my face and let me know he was passing the "good stuff" through the IV. I remember tasting something funny and staring at the ceiling watching it spin. I had told him I was dizzy and I knew it was only a matter of time before I was out.
I woke up about an hour later with your daddy by my side. I was cold, groggy, and still tasted that awful taste from the anesthesia. The nurse asked how I was feeling but I didn't give her the response she wanted. The only thing I cared about was how the surgery went and how many eggs were retrieved. Unfortunately she didn't know the answer but said they were with the embryologist and we would know shortly.
I had some mild cramping and couldn't stop crying for some reason. I was so scared and wanted this to work so bad. I am sure the drugs in my system didn't help with he water works either.
Dr. Lin came back to check on me after a while. Once again I didn't care about anything else other than those eggs but this time he had an answer. 18!!!!!!!!!!!!! 18 eggs were retrieved, 16 of which were mature and soon to be fertilized! I was so relieved. Knowing I had a good number of eggs gave me hope that we had at least one fighter in there.
After my time in recovery, we got me dressed, shoved me in a wheel chair, and headed to the car to go home.
Once we got home your daddy helped me get comfortable on the couch and took really good care of me. I felt pretty good with the exception of the cramping so I tried not to be a total bum, though it would have been a good time to take advantage of it and let Daddy wait on me hand and foot. While relaxing with your puppy, Lola, and watching TV we received two special deliveries. Mommy got a beautiful basket of flowers from her work and also a gorgeous bouquet of fresh lilies that had yet to open.
Dr. Lin said he would call and give us updates every day as far as the progress of the eggs. Now came the beginning of the hardest part of this process...the waiting.
As you can see, your mom was a beauty...
We got to the surgery center at about 6:45 am. We had to leave our house around 5:45 to accommodate for traffic. I think being 1/2 a sleep still helped ease my nerves too. We checked in, completed our consent paperwork, you know the usual "sign here accepting you could die and we take no responsibility if you do" stuff. I didn't care, I signed away hoping this was going to be the first step in making us "Mommy and Daddy".
They told me I needed to go down to the surgery lobby now and wait down there. They asked daddy to stay behind for a while cause they needed to collect his sample of you and all your possible brothers and sisters. I didn't even once think that when I walked out the doors and down the hall, that would be the last time I saw your daddy. I didn't even kiss him good bye. I just assumed he would meet me on the other side. It wasn't until I sat in the waiting room down the hall that I realized that was it. The next time I would see him was after I woke up in recovery. How could that be? I was alone, and scared and didn't even get a chance to say a real good bye to the love of my life, the man that has been there for me every step of the way. If I had ever needed him, now was the time. My nerves started to take over and I started to cry in the waiting room. I tried really hard to suck it up because I didn't want the nurses, and anyone else for that matter, to think that I was nuts, even though we all know I am!
Within a matter of minutes they called me back to the operating room and gave me my fancy hospital gown to change in to. The room was tiny and cold, like all hospitals, so I asked them if I was allowed to keep my socks on. They were these fuzzy red and white socks that I had just received for Christmas. I was really excited I got to keep them on because they were warm, not like it would matter once they knocked me out in a few minute. I remember I couldn't stop talking about my stupid socks. I showed them off to the nurse, the anesthesiologist, and the Dr. like they were some prize possession. They were socks for pity sake! I think I couldn't stop talking about them, and everything else, because I was nervous and that was my way of keeping me calm and my mind distracted.
The anesthesiologist came in and was ready to hook me up. He was so nice....that's about all I remember of him. I thought my IV would have to go into my hand, which I hate because I fainted last time I had that done, so I was pleased when he told me he would be running it into the inner crease of my elbow. After all the blood I had given over the last year, nearly every other day, I knew I was a pro there.
I remember the Dr. coming in and talking to me while having me position properly on the operating table. I also remember quivering and my legs shaking out of control while they were up in the stirrups. I know it couldn't have been because I was too cold because I could see my obnoxious "lucky" socks while we were getting ready. Nerves had finally gotten the best of me and I had realized this was it. The anesthesiologist placed an oxygen mask on my face and let me know he was passing the "good stuff" through the IV. I remember tasting something funny and staring at the ceiling watching it spin. I had told him I was dizzy and I knew it was only a matter of time before I was out.
I woke up about an hour later with your daddy by my side. I was cold, groggy, and still tasted that awful taste from the anesthesia. The nurse asked how I was feeling but I didn't give her the response she wanted. The only thing I cared about was how the surgery went and how many eggs were retrieved. Unfortunately she didn't know the answer but said they were with the embryologist and we would know shortly.
I had some mild cramping and couldn't stop crying for some reason. I was so scared and wanted this to work so bad. I am sure the drugs in my system didn't help with he water works either.
Dr. Lin came back to check on me after a while. Once again I didn't care about anything else other than those eggs but this time he had an answer. 18!!!!!!!!!!!!! 18 eggs were retrieved, 16 of which were mature and soon to be fertilized! I was so relieved. Knowing I had a good number of eggs gave me hope that we had at least one fighter in there.
After my time in recovery, we got me dressed, shoved me in a wheel chair, and headed to the car to go home.
Once we got home your daddy helped me get comfortable on the couch and took really good care of me. I felt pretty good with the exception of the cramping so I tried not to be a total bum, though it would have been a good time to take advantage of it and let Daddy wait on me hand and foot. While relaxing with your puppy, Lola, and watching TV we received two special deliveries. Mommy got a beautiful basket of flowers from her work and also a gorgeous bouquet of fresh lilies that had yet to open.
Dr. Lin said he would call and give us updates every day as far as the progress of the eggs. Now came the beginning of the hardest part of this process...the waiting.
As you can see, your mom was a beauty...
And your daddy had fun recording me as a train wreck...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)