Overall I've been comfortable for the most part and at worst suffered from some nasty heartburn. However, these last two days have been rough. I am hopping its just a phase that will pass just like the rest of my "I'm done" phases but I am afraid this may be the part of pregnancy that all women talk about where they are in fact done. I am finding it hard to eat. I have a huge appetite still so don't think that I am getting all diet crazy on you or anything. I have just found that lately when I do eat I can take only a few bites and I feel full but I know I am not and I want to keep eating but if I do then I become so uncomfortable I can't even think straight. Water even does this to me it seems! It's these little things that I am not going to miss.
Now, the other part of me is so not ready for you and I feel horrible saying that. Everyone I know and talk to says that when they were pregnant they couldn't wait another day for their baby to come. I feel like I could wait another year for you to get here. I am so nervous of all the change that is to come and it's sure stressing me out!
You would think that with all that we went through to get you I would be beyond ready but nope....it's just the opposite actually. Mommy and Daddy have been together almost 10 years. We have lived together for over 9. It has always just been the two of us doing whatever we want, whenever we want. Now that you are coming that is going to change and that scares me. I almost think that people who get together and have a baby shortly after almost have it better. They don't have the time to adjust into a decade long routine. Its all just go with the flow. I kinda wish we had that going on right now.
Aside from my nerves from the adjustment to every day life, I am also nervous about finances. I am still trying to pay you off; that is a debt you will never hear the end of kiddo...and I feel like I will never see the end of either! Its a HUGE financial undertaking we have had to deal with through this entire process which has been fine thus far but now you add in the new car we needed to make sure you are safe and daycare its adding up and mommy is getting scared.I am sure we will manage and figure everything out, everyone always does, but right now I toss and turn while thinking of all of it.
Last but defiantly not least on my mind is the fear of birth. Oh lord have mercy on my soul am I terrified! I like to think that I could do it all natural without an epidural or anything but who am I kidding? I have been joking with my Dr. and asking her if she can hook it up now every time I go in. I know getting it would be the best decision on my part. I am however scared of the complications that come with an epidural and I am even more scared of the anesthesiologist telling me all of those complications right before they stick a needle into my spine.
I made the mistake of logging onto the Baby Center the other day and seeing a link to a video of a vaginal birth....ahhhh!! Scared me straight into thinking a c-section sounding like a better option. Then again if I saw a video of a c-section I would probably faint.
Nothing about the birthing process sounds fun to me. The only part I want is the end where you are laying there blinking up at me with those squinted eyes that are having a hard time adjusting to the brightness of the new world outside and feeling you breath while laying on my chest. THAT part I am looking forward to!
The more and more I think of those precious moments post delivery, the most I feel I am ready and cant wait to get you here. You only have two weeks left that you have to bake until you are considered full term. Stay in there till then please. Hopefully by the time you decide to make your grand entrance it will have cooled down a little bit too. I know you are use to being in a hot tub but trust me, its not so nice outside right now!
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